Q: When were your brothers first diagnosed with autism? How did their diagnosis make you feel? (Did it come as a surprise? Did you recognize some of the signs?) 

​

A: Both of my brothers, Jonathan and Joshua, were diagnosed with Autism at different stages within their lifetime. My middle brother, Jonathan was diagnosed when he was two years old.  At the time he was diagnosed he had more of what doctors at the time considered the traditional form of Autism. However, my youngest brother Joshua was misdiagnosed for most of his childhood and my family did not find out that he was Autistic until he was 18 years old. John, Josh, and I are close in age so I grew up around the world of Autism and it was part of my childhood’s norm. In the beginning, it was John’s diagnosis that proved to have a shock for my parents as they adjusted to the changes that would have to be made in order to best accommodate and embrace his needs. However, after my family grew older it was Josh’s diagnosis of Autism that shocked everyone. 

​

John was the first person known in my family to have Autism and the signs with him were easier to spot than Josh. For example, the way that John played with toys and video games he would play things in a very systematic way and still does to this day. With toys, he would arrange them in a circle no matter how differently they would be arranged prior. He also had a lot of sensory triggers such as certain smells and how he ate his food. He would smell it before he ate it and if he didn’t like how it smelled he refused to eat it. This made hiding veggies in food a very fun challenge for my family. In addition, John also rocked and hummed a lot, with his hum varying depending on his mood. However, even though we knew that John had Autism with my family experiencing the trials of understanding his diagnosis early on it was surprising that my family did not know that it was highly probable for another sibling to have it as well which is why we did not detect the less direct signs of Autism with Josh.

​

Josh does not have as many sensory triggers as John and is almost his polar opposite which is why we didn’t pick up on the signs with him. John can read well and spell well while Josh struggles with that but is gradually getting better every day. Josh is 23 and can pick up on social cues better than John can. Also, Josh overly acts more of his age as compared to John who still has a childlike mindset even though he is 25. Also even though a big portion of Autism has to do with sociability, John is very outgoing and blunt as compared to Josh who is more quiet spoken and reserved. However, both of my brothers struggled with a delay in speech. Their speech delays led them to attend a variety of therapies such as speech, swim, and occupational therapy when they were younger at Beaumont Hospital. Originally Josh was misdiagnosed with ADHD and Dyslexia and the school system did not pick up on his Autism neither did doctors until he was 18. Also, Josh does not have as much of a fixation on certain things as John does.

 

Q: What are the most challenging/rewarding aspects of having a special needs sibling? How is your day-to-day life affected? 

 

A: In having a sibling with special needs you understand that there are good days and there are not so good days, but you learn to adjust to them and eventually they become your norm. As a child, it was really difficult dealing with some of the rough days with Autism. For both boys, they did not speak until they were roughly five years old respectively so the forms of communication early on were difficult for both of my brothers. Josh would often cry and scream randomly and John would bite, claw, scratch, cry and yell as well so that was difficult to deal with. There was the challenge of breaking “routine”. Routine is practically everything for Autistic individuals. When you break a routine or add in some change to situations it can be very challenging to provide a proper replacement for the change presented that would be satisfactory to the individual. 

​

In addition, socially for example with John depending on varying factors including weather, how he’s feeling, etc. you never know what kind of day you are going to have with him. When John throws tantrums those are the hard days. As children, there was once even a point where we were crossing a street intersection and John literally laid in the street when we were trying to cross. And even though we were young when that happened I still remember the fear and the cars honking and the pleading my mother had with him to move so that we wouldn’t block traffic or get hurt. Eventually, he got up but the whole ordeal took about 30 minutes with some help from some strangers in order for us to get to safety. Thus In general, some days he is moody and throws tantrums, but more often during other days he laughs a lot and is very playful. It is the playfulness which is a side of Autism that I believe people don’t often hear about or understand when it comes to the dynamicness of these individuals. 

Understanding this I believe that in growing up with my brothers there was so much I had to learn in regards to working with varying personalities and learning how to develop patience. I had to get used to people staring and making comments about John when he would clap, pace, or hum. 

​

However, I would say that those rude things my family had to deal with and my social isolation I felt as a child were helped for me through a workshop called SibShop. It was a group specially for siblings who had siblings with special needs, no parents or siblings allowed. Going to Sibshop really provided me with an outlet and the understanding that I was not alone in the world and that there were other kids like me who had to embrace the challenges and beauties within their siblings' diagnosis’. It helped give me more confidence that I did not have to worry about what other people thought and that my brothers are wonderful in their own right.  Having two brothers with Autism while challenging some days yes has ultimately made my world a lot more colorful. They have exceeded doctors expectations of them and my family does not limit them in what they feel as though they can achieve. The beauty of who they are and the gifts they have to share with the world makes me appreciate them more every day.

 

Q: What is your favorite experience with your brothers and what has it taught you? 

 

A: One of my favorite experiences with my brother Josh was when we went to the anime convention, Youmacon 2019, last year. Both my brothers and I enjoy anime, but going to this particular convention was totally in Josh’s element. Typically Josh is reserved but the whole time he had the biggest smile on his face. Seeing the enjoyment on his face and how excited he was to participate showed me a whole new respect for the desire for Autistic people to feel a sense of belonging. There at the convention, he felt like he belonged and that people were not going to judge him and he had a fantastic time. He was so inspired by the convention that after he took an active role in learning how to read better by picking up the hobby of reading anime manga books. He even got so inspired by seeing how diverse the world of anime is that he even got a bookstore membership and now averages reading almost a book a week with some assistance.

 

In regards to John, one of my favorite experiences with him was when we were in high school and he decided to run for homecoming duke in his sophomore year. Not only did John make his own flyer but he signed up by himself. It was such an amazing experience because we campaigned together during lunchtimes leading up to the school dance. Ultimately he wound up winning, however, what is most amazing beyond his win was the fact that when he was announced and it was time to dance with his partner John revealed that he knew how to slow dance which we never knew he had the talent to do before.

 

Q: Now that you have graduated from college, do you and your brothers spend much time together? What do you do?

 

A: I am a proud nontraditional student and I still attend college with a major in International Studies and a minor in Women and Gender Studies with a communication focus. However, even though this is the case my brothers and I have plenty of time to spend together. When travel allowed we would go to the movies, the book store, the game store, and shopping together. However, now that quarantine is in effect we have found ways of entertaining ourselves by watching videos, cooking, putting puzzles together, playing games together, and having more quality family time with each other. Individually Josh has started writing a book and I help him edit it and think of ideas and for John, he is learning Spanish and French through Duolingo and I also help him with that as well.

 

Q: Do you know anybody (other than your brother) that has special needs? 

 

A: I do know several other people other than my brothers who have special needs and everyone brings their own beauty into my life. I purpose myself to associate with a variety of people who are different than I am because I value the concept of intercultural fluency and embracing diversity. 

 

Q: In your opinion, how can we, as a society, move forward from preconceived, negative ideas surrounding those with ASD?

 

A: Master Oogway from one of my favorite childhood movies, Kung Fu Panda, once said,  “The past is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and the present is a gift that’s why it’s called the present.” If we as a community focus on moving forward from negative preconceptions about people with ASD I feel as though the world will be given a chance to truly see the beauty of people within the ASD community. While there are challenges with ASD there are also powerful moments of accomplishment, victory, and pure human emotion and interaction that only having ASD can provide. We must remember that “Disability does not mean inability!” This means that even though society puts limits on what people with disabilities can do, ultimately with the right support people with ASD and other disabilities can live to have productive and fulfilling lives. In addition to the right opportunity, people of all backgrounds can be given a chance to live up to their full potential and achieve whatever they set their hearts on.

 

Q: Is there any additional information you would like to share about you or your brothers that would be helpful for me to know? 

 

A: Josh is a lover of cars and he enjoys both studying them, working on them, and painting and assembling car models. He enjoys other hobbies such as practicing bass guitar, learning about blacksmithing, and assembling Gundam figures. His favorite colors are black and blue. He aspires one day to own his own business and every day his reading, writing, and spelling is improving.

 

John is a video game master and enjoys playing some form of video games daily. He is a music lover and tends to love old school music, Jazz, Funk, etc. His favorite Jazz artist is Pat Metheny. Jonathan loves using the Duolingo system for learning languages through playful learning and he is a part of the diamond league within the system. John also enjoys traveling and watching and reporting sports.